There's only one year until Nate is done with school.
There's only one year until we are hoping to be pastoring a church - not necessarily as the preaching pastor - but definitely serving the church in some aspect as a full time job.
There's only one year until life changes drastically.
Last night Nate and I lead our very first small group. We desired to do this both to grow ourselves spiritually and also to get more training for the future. It was a great first night, a little awkward at times since we knew no one else there, but altogether a time that opened doors for potentially wonderful new relationships.
It's fantastic to see Nate in his element - leading people, teaching the word, and loving on others. I feel so blessed to be married to a man who so evidently loves the Lord and shows such love and compassion for others.
One question keeps coming to my mind, though...
How am I going to be a pastor's wife?
Don't get me wrong, when we were dating, I knew I was going to be a pastor's wife (but kept it to myself) long before Nate ever mentioned he felt called to pursue the idea of becoming a pastor.
The thing is, being a pastor's wife is so different than being the wife of most other professions. A doctor's wife doesn't have to be involved in her husband's work. An accountant's wife can mostly just ignore what her husband does for a living. An architect's wife doesn't have to have any sort of appreciation for awesome buildings.
This is different. In the future WE will be pastoring a church. I will be right there alongside my husband (whether I'm paid or not), loving on the congregation, discussing the Bible with them, taking women out for coffee, and showing God's grace to each and everyone I come in contact with. My family and I will be "in the limelight," for better or for worse.
Who am I to minister in that way? I'm someone who can't remember another person's name until I've heard it 3084 times. I'm someone who is HORRIBLE at small talk. I'm someone who relates to God through music and fellowship with others more than through reading my bible or prayer. I'm someone who would rather sit in the corner observing than to go talk to someone I don't know.
But God is full of love and grace. It won't be me who is ministering to our future church, it is God who will be ministering through me. Although I may not live up to MY idea of a "perfect pastor's wife," He gave me wonderful gifts that will be used by Him in amazing ways. I love hostessing and will have people over all the time to love on them and get to know them one-on-one. I am intellectual and had the privilege to study the Bible in college so I will be able to share my knowledge with others as they're starting out in their faith. I am empathetic and compassionate so I will be able to love on and feel with those who are going through difficult seasons in life. God will equip me for the rest when the time comes.
This small group we are just starting out in is a wonderful place for me to be in the here and now. God is already using it in my life to draw me closer to Him and show me more of what He desires for me in the future, not what I desire of myself. Although I'm scared, I'm also excited.